Perhaps some of you out there, might like to share too? 1983, that was such a bad year for me! I was in love for almost 3 years,then it ended. The break up hit me BIG time,but i was powerless to prevent it. And when i ran out of tears, my attitude towards women, work, friends...LIFE, changed. I slowly cut myself off from EVERYTHING & EVERYBODY. I wasn't interested in love,or long term relationships at all. No romance = NO PAIN, that's how i viewed it,and how it's been, and i think, still is? In fact, i know it is! And to those who have tried to get close to me,not only in the real world, but on L.F's too...i'm sorry. I'm sorry i didn't let you get as clos to me as you would have liked. SORRY x. But this is due to being touched by the black hand of Depression! I'm not suffering as bad,as some poor people do,with BLACK thoughts,but it's there...and pops up every now and again,just to say "Hi, remember ME?". Last year (August 2007) i just walked out of a well paid job...to nothing. I worked there for 7 years,while still dealing with being depressed.I was NOT a happy bunny. But in Feb'08, i went to see my Doctor,to get myself sorted out,(after 25 years) as,at the time, i was 'happy' just to let my world crumble around me, and not lift a finger to stop it. I'm now on 'happy pills',but not out of the woods yet. Since 1983, other things have also contributed to 'top up' the depression(too many to list), but having my heart broken in '83 started the ball rolling. Has anyone else suffered from derpession, as a result of being a 'casualty' of love? Too much info????? This might explain things to some people? xxxxxx
Perhaps some of you out there, might like to share too? 1983, that was such a bad year for me! I was in love for almost 3 years,then it ended. The break up hit me BIG time,but i was powerless to prevent it. And when i ran out of tears, my attitude towards women, work, friends...LIFE, changed. I slowly cut myself off from EVERYTHING & EVERYBODY. I wasn't interested in love,or long term relationships at all. No romance = NO PAIN, that's how i viewed it,and how it's been, and i think, still is? In fact, i know it is! And to those who have tried to get close to me,not only in the real world, but on L.F's too...i'm sorry. I'm sorry i didn't let you get as clos to me as you would have liked. SORRY x. But this is due to being touched by the black hand of Depression! I'm not suffering as bad,as some poor people do,with BLACK thoughts,but it's there...and pops up every now and again,just to say "Hi, remember ME?". Last year (August 2007) i just walked out of a well paid job...to nothing. I worked there for 7 years,while still dealing with being depressed.I was NOT a happy bunny. But in Feb'08, i went to see my Doctor,to get myself sorted out,(after 25 years) as,at the time, i was 'happy' just to let my world crumble around me, and not lift a finger to stop it. I'm now on 'happy pills',but not out of the woods yet. Since 1983, other things have also contributed to 'top up' the depression(too many to list), but having my heart broken in '83 started the ball rolling. Has anyone else suffered from derpession, as a result of being a 'casualty' of love? Too much info????? This might explain things to some people? xxxxxx
oops, I forgot to add the depression comment. Yes I personally suffer from depression from time to time.
Presently, I just ended a job last Friday 10/31/08 and doubly depressed being unemployed but all of this makes me reflect on my lonliness. I have no one to discuss this all with nor to ask for a hug and a hold.
It will always get better, this I know.
oops, I forgot to add the depression comment. Yes I personally suffer from depression from time to time.
Presently, I just ended a job last Friday 10/31/08 and doubly depressed being unemployed but all of this makes me reflect on my lonliness. I have no one to discuss this all with nor to ask for a hug and a hold.
I have always have had a troubled life but when I found the man that I considered the "love of my life", he seemed to almost balance me. We had control issues over the years (we were together on and off for 6 years) and that is why we did not stay together living for too long...our timeline was always 8 months at a time...lol.
Eventually we did get engaged in late 1996 but we still lived apart. To make a long story short, we could not continue with the marriage plans due to his getting sick for a minute. Then in Feb 1998 i found out he had cancer (Vietnam Vet) and was very sick. I was told he had 6 mos to a year. We still did not live together at the time because he had retired to Jamestown and I was still living in Santa Rosa.
I visited him once before he died. He died is May 1998 at 47 years old. He was the "Love of my Life". It changed my life forever.
In July 1998 one of my good friends committed suicide, he shot himself in the head. I went to work 2 days later...survival mode.
I have had some major stuff happen to me in my life but I do continue to keep hope that someday I will find a good person out there for me to spend the rest of my life with.
AriesRam,
I have always have had a troubled life but when I found the man that I considered the "love of my life", he seemed to almost balance me. We had control issues over the years (we were together on and off for 6 years) and that is why we did not stay together living for too long...our timeline was always 8 months at a time...lol.
Eventually we did get engaged in late 1996 but we still lived apart. To make a long story short, we could not continue with the marriage plans due to his getting sick for a minute. Then in Feb 1998 i found out he had cancer (Vietnam Vet) and was very sick. I was told he had 6 mos to a year. We still did not live together at the time because he had retired to Jamestown and I was still living in Santa Rosa.
I visited him once before he died. He died is May 1998 at 47 years old. He was the "Love of my Life". It changed my life forever.
In July 1998 one of my good friends committed suicide, he shot himself in the head. I went to work 2 days later...survival mode.
I have had some major stuff happen to me in my life but I do continue to keep hope that someday I will find a good person out there for me to spend the rest of my life with.
I think it shows courage when you tell someone something as private about you as you're having depression. I've always been cautious of who I've told about my depression, and when I told them, mainly because I'm afraid of alienating people. I've had clinical depression since I was 11, and though it wasn't caused by a romantically broken heart, it was stirred up by losing someone I loved, my father. Because of this, if I do trust people enough to let them into my world- through the sarcasm and randomness, to just me- then I have to trust them with my heart, too. I haven't worked out how not to trust my heart with someone I've shared that secret with. I realize that all of this probably sounds horribly naive, and I will admit to that completely, but I can't seem to stop caring about people just for the sake of not getting hurt. There's a song by John Mayer called "Daughters" that says "Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do..." and I keep thinking of how unconditionally I loved my father, maybe that's why I'm looking for people I can trust that much. I wrote a poem a couple years ago about breaking free of depression...
The Light There's a small light in the darkness, I try to find my way. So many obstacles that I can't see But I stay focused on the light. As I get closer, it gets brighter, So bright it hurts my eyes. I've been in the darkness so long Always scared of the light. I'm not scared anymore, I won't let myself be scared. Getting closer, the light is growing. I begin to see my way. I've tripped, slipped back, But I won't go back into the dark! The obstacles are bigger, harder to pass. I know this means I'm getting close. I run into the light! I wander farther, away from the dark, Yet there are shadows in the light. I see darkness in the light, Yet I won't let myself go close. I embrace the light. The darkness has held me too long, I want to hold the light.
I think it shows courage when you tell someone something as private about you as you're having depression. I've always been cautious of who I've told about my depression, and when I told them, mainly because I'm afraid of alienating people. I've had clinical depression since I was 11, and though it wasn't caused by a romantically broken heart, it was stirred up by losing someone I loved, my father. Because of this, if I do trust people enough to let them into my world- through the sarcasm and randomness, to just me- then I have to trust them with my heart, too. I haven't worked out how not to trust my heart with someone I've shared that secret with. I realize that all of this probably sounds horribly naive, and I will admit to that completely, but I can't seem to stop caring about people just for the sake of not getting hurt. There's a song by John Mayer called "Daughters" that says "Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do..." and I keep thinking of how unconditionally I loved my father, maybe that's why I'm looking for people I can trust that much. I wrote a poem a couple years ago about breaking free of depression...
The Light There's a small light in the darkness, I try to find my way. So many obstacles that I can't see But I stay focused on the light. As I get closer, it gets brighter, So bright it hurts my eyes. I've been in the darkness so long Always scared of the light. I'm not scared anymore, I won't let myself be scared. Getting closer, the light is growing. I begin to see my way. I've tripped, slipped back, But I won't go back into the dark! The obstacles are bigger, harder to pass. I know this means I'm getting close. I run into the light! I wander farther, away from the dark, Yet there are shadows in the light. I see darkness in the light, Yet I won't let myself go close. I embrace the light. The darkness has held me too long, I want to hold the light.
ariesram... we have all been there... we all have our "demons" that raise their ugly heads from time to time just when we think we have it under control. I went through it about 5 years ago and it took me finding my current husband and finding out what it is like to have a man truly love me unconditionally to finally get past it... for the most part... but I know that "demon" is still there... lurking for when I least expect it. You are just human. Talk about it.... it helps.
ariesram... we have all been there... we all have our "demons" that raise their ugly heads from time to time just when we think we have it under control. I went through it about 5 years ago and it took me finding my current husband and finding out what it is like to have a man truly love me unconditionally to finally get past it... for the most part... but I know that "demon" is still there... lurking for when I least expect it. You are just human. Talk about it.... it helps.
This is an issue that has I believe has touched all of us to some degree or other and I do understand the courage it took to post this.
We so do need to discuss this issue but often it is too hard, too personal, too embarrassing, and often just too painful.
Many years ago I too was not in a good place, well actually I was in a dark place, but was showing a very social and bright face to the world.
I went and asked the doctor for some happy pills. He would not give them to me at the time though, he did not think I needed them because I could not even show him the extent of my feelings..
I had been dealing with (since I was six) or should I say avoiding dealing with feeling of rejection, that my father did not want to know me, or have anything with me.
So then I fell in love at thirteen, yes it was teenage love, raw, open and every so trusting. When it fell apart, so did I.
It opened up so many things in me that I could not cope with it all, had to shut down to continue living. I moved on and thought that I had handled that real well, and was doing really well.
Years later after a few more emotional upheavals I fell into a deep dark hole.
I have now been working on this for years, and still am in many ways. I will have to say that I am lucky for the things I did have worked for me and I am no longer in that place. I will not go into that here, but if you want you can ask me. :)
We all handle things differently in life, and decision we make come from who we are and the thoughts and feelings we hold at the time.
Be glad that you are where you are right now, for you are looking at this, and with looking at it you will move towards resolving it. xx
Too much information? NO Never.
The only thing I am sorry for here is that you have not felt you can open up and share this with someone before.
Thank you for sharing it has helped me and I am sure others here, understand you better. xxx
This is an issue that has I believe has touched all of us to some degree or other and I do understand the courage it took to post this.
We so do need to discuss this issue but often it is too hard, too personal, too embarrassing, and often just too painful.
Many years ago I too was not in a good place, well actually I was in a dark place, but was showing a very social and bright face to the world.
I went and asked the doctor for some happy pills. He would not give them to me at the time though, he did not think I needed them because I could not even show him the extent of my feelings..
I had been dealing with (since I was six) or should I say avoiding dealing with feeling of rejection, that my father did not want to know me, or have anything with me.
So then I fell in love at thirteen, yes it was teenage love, raw, open and every so trusting. When it fell apart, so did I.
It opened up so many things in me that I could not cope with it all, had to shut down to continue living. I moved on and thought that I had handled that real well, and was doing really well.
Years later after a few more emotional upheavals I fell into a deep dark hole.
I have now been working on this for years, and still am in many ways. I will have to say that I am lucky for the things I did have worked for me and I am no longer in that place. I will not go into that here, but if you want you can ask me. :)
We all handle things differently in life, and decision we make come from who we are and the thoughts and feelings we hold at the time.
Be glad that you are where you are right now, for you are looking at this, and with looking at it you will move towards resolving it. xx
Too much information? NO Never.
The only thing I am sorry for here is that you have not felt you can open up and share this with someone before.
Thank you for sharing it has helped me and I am sure others here, understand you better. xxx
ariesram I know the abyss that you speak of.The 1989-1992's was Not a good span for me in that time span. I lost one friend to suicide , almost lost a sister to suicide , had one close friend violently murdered , had the stress from working three jobs to avoid bankruptcy, plus the finical and emotional Stresses from my wife (now Ex wife) about her Excessive compulsive spending habits.Plus I Was getting crud from her family about what home improvements that I could do to my home on their property. and the Excessive camping out in my house of her family. Plus had a co worker that was not doing his job(excessive dangerous Pranks around running machinery) and the management would not do any thing about it. SO for a a while I was in a funk. I sought help for It.The Standard answer the these doctor was to Severely medicate me.Tried the meds for a month .The made me feel worse like a freaking ZOMBIE!! SO 2 months later .The Brown Matter Hit the Rotary Oscillator.After almost 7 years of giving 100% to my wife. THE DIVORCE came!!!!TO say that I was a basket case was a understatement. I was like a tortoise on it's back on the Busy interstate highway in the hot desert sun. Thank GOD!!! that I found a Outstanding therapist.It took about 14 months for her to get me upwrighted.I had to claw my way out from the bottom of the Pity whole I was in, and rise to the top of the hole, and beyond I was in. So you are not alone.
ariesram I know the abyss that you speak of.The 1989-1992's was Not a good span for me in that time span. I lost one friend to suicide , almost lost a sister to suicide , had one close friend violently murdered , had the stress from working three jobs to avoid bankruptcy, plus the finical and emotional Stresses from my wife (now Ex wife) about her Excessive compulsive spending habits.Plus I Was getting crud from her family about what home improvements that I could do to my home on their property. and the Excessive camping out in my house of her family. Plus had a co worker that was not doing his job(excessive dangerous Pranks around running machinery) and the management would not do any thing about it. SO for a a while I was in a funk. I sought help for It.The Standard answer the these doctor was to Severely medicate me.Tried the meds for a month .The made me feel worse like a freaking ZOMBIE!! SO 2 months later .The Brown Matter Hit the Rotary Oscillator.After almost 7 years of giving 100% to my wife. THE DIVORCE came!!!!TO say that I was a basket case was a understatement. I was like a tortoise on it's back on the Busy interstate highway in the hot desert sun. Thank GOD!!! that I found a Outstanding therapist.It took about 14 months for her to get me upwrighted.I had to claw my way out from the bottom of the Pity whole I was in, and rise to the top of the hole, and beyond I was in. So you are not alone.
Hi Aries, I have been lucky enough to only have down days although I have to admit the separation and ensuing divorce certainly was an emotional roller coaster that threatened to crash. I am glad you sought out a Dr as left untreated - many people never recover. I have lost too many people to the black hole. Thanks for sharing and if you want to talk - I'm here and willing - hope your friends and family are good to you and keep your head up.
Hi Aries, I have been lucky enough to only have down days although I have to admit the separation and ensuing divorce certainly was an emotional roller coaster that threatened to crash. I am glad you sought out a Dr as left untreated - many people never recover. I have lost too many people to the black hole. Thanks for sharing and if you want to talk - I'm here and willing - hope your friends and family are good to you and keep your head up.
Hi Aries, YES, that happens more than we might know. In 1996, I ended my almost 8 year marriage for many reasons, but it was me who needed to do this, for myself and for my children, but it left me feeling very vulnerable and unhappy. I spent almost two years basically secluded. I still went to work, but I didn't see friends, and I didn't go out. My son told me that during that time, I was basically a babysitter and not a mother. It's very hard to rebuild after a breakup that leaves you feeling unable to face life. Good luck to you and hopefully, you will find your way back to fully living and able to love again. I think I have, but only time will truly tell.
Hi Aries, YES, that happens more than we might know. In 1996, I ended my almost 8 year marriage for many reasons, but it was me who needed to do this, for myself and for my children, but it left me feeling very vulnerable and unhappy. I spent almost two years basically secluded. I still went to work, but I didn't see friends, and I didn't go out. My son told me that during that time, I was basically a babysitter and not a mother. It's very hard to rebuild after a breakup that leaves you feeling unable to face life. Good luck to you and hopefully, you will find your way back to fully living and able to love again. I think I have, but only time will truly tell.
Ummm... Aries-- no offense, but it's Halloween. I (really, honestly) don't know if you are just rocking the boat here, or not. I am going to assume you are NOT preying upon others' miseries.
To answer your question: there are MANY people out there suffering from depression. Way too many to count. Depression is the MOST prevalent undiagnosed mental illenss , primarily because people do not recognize it for what it is and feel they can deal with it alone.
I do not feel that "love" is what can make people depressed, but I feel that the breakup of a long-term relationship can most definitely bring on a bout of depression. If left untreated, the short term depression can easily progress into either chronic depression or some other manifestation of mental disease.
Taking medication to treat the symptoms of depression is very common. The medications, actually, treat a chemical imbalance that contributes to the signs and symptoms of depression. Once you ease the signs and symptoms, the patient can then focus on the "life matters" that brought him or her to the emotional breaking point.
Although the field of Psychiatry is gaining much more press and respect than ever, the public still does not take many of the diseases seriously. The public does not accept nor understand the processes, implications and seriousness of mental illness. The public still cannot seem to understnad that if someone is ON medication to regulate their body chemistry, then OBVIOUSLY something is off kilter to require the medicine. They cannot equate that to mental disease. But forget to give a bi-polar person his or her meds, and watch the fur fly!
Aries, despite the growing amount of research supporting the need for early intervention and proper treatment, depression is just one of many disease processes that has not quite gained the respect it deserves. It takes moments like this to bring the subject into the light. Once you've seen it, it's hard to ignore.
Good for you in getting the treatment you needed. Keep working at it. Once diagnosed, we are more succesptible to rebound than most, so be vigilant. It's a day to day battle, and, I for one, plan on whooping A$$!!!
Good luck to you. True
Ummm... Aries-- no offense, but it's Halloween. I (really, honestly) don't know if you are just rocking the boat here, or not. I am going to assume you are NOT preying upon others' miseries.
To answer your question: there are MANY people out there suffering from depression. Way too many to count. Depression is the MOST prevalent undiagnosed mental illenss , primarily because people do not recognize it for what it is and feel they can deal with it alone.
I do not feel that "love" is what can make people depressed, but I feel that the breakup of a long-term relationship can most definitely bring on a bout of depression. If left untreated, the short term depression can easily progress into either chronic depression or some other manifestation of mental disease.
Taking medication to treat the symptoms of depression is very common. The medications, actually, treat a chemical imbalance that contributes to the signs and symptoms of depression. Once you ease the signs and symptoms, the patient can then focus on the "life matters" that brought him or her to the emotional breaking point.
Although the field of Psychiatry is gaining much more press and respect than ever, the public still does not take many of the diseases seriously. The public does not accept nor understand the processes, implications and seriousness of mental illness. The public still cannot seem to understnad that if someone is ON medication to regulate their body chemistry, then OBVIOUSLY something is off kilter to require the medicine. They cannot equate that to mental disease. But forget to give a bi-polar person his or her meds, and watch the fur fly!
Aries, despite the growing amount of research supporting the need for early intervention and proper treatment, depression is just one of many disease processes that has not quite gained the respect it deserves. It takes moments like this to bring the subject into the light. Once you've seen it, it's hard to ignore.
Good for you in getting the treatment you needed. Keep working at it. Once diagnosed, we are more succesptible to rebound than most, so be vigilant. It's a day to day battle, and, I for one, plan on whooping A$$!!!
